For the purposes of this post though, I’m going to focus on the gay experience. Because the factors at play that cause us to tear each other down are often stronger in gay men which can make us meaner than most.

Let the gay world know you’re single and ready to mingle.

Rather than hanging out in bars waiting for the right guy to approach you, get the ball rolling and sign up to an online dating site.

We have been misled to think that in order to get ahead we have to aggressively force our way past others but the universe doesn’t operate with that same limited mentality. There is enough oxygen for everyone, enough money to be made, enough opportunity for all those that seek it.

Just because someone else has a boyfriend or an apartment or a dream job, does not mean that you cannot have those things too.

The simple answer is insecurity and what is insecurity? When we see people doing something for which we negatively judge them it’s because it stirs something within ourselves that we do not like.

Do you discount someone else’s success by spreading rumours that he slept his way to the top?

Once we are liberated we have the option to overcome that insecurity. We tell ourselves that these people are flawed to make ourselves feel better because we are afraid that if they succeed then by law we must fail.

For some though this insecurity becomes internalised, covered up; it is left unaddressed and surfaces as bitchiness, meanness and what can only be compared to adolescent behaviour (because adolescents are often the most insecure! This is the power of scarcity, a function of modern society which convinces us that we will never be or have enough.

Chances are that you yourself don’t feel worthy enough to be loved by others. The loudest people are often the most afraid, the most confident often the most anxious and the most popular are often the loneliest.

Extreme action is in itself a reflection of its opposite. Many of us gay men have been made to feel insecure through our formative years because of our sexuality. Seeing good, rich, handsome, fit, masculine, popular, smart and loveable people awakens the insecurity within us.

Signing up is a great way to see other gay singles in your local area, so bite the bullet and get back in the game.