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She is completely uninterested in intimacy and physical sex. Her passivity makes me feel like a criminal, if I try to reach her and touch her.
She did not reveal that trait before our son was born.
This also applies to the part of the relationship that includes sex and romance: very often there is no sexual relationship at all; or the NT-partner feels as if she is the Mom of the partner, who behaves like an immature child in an adult’s body; or the female with Asperger’s in the relationship can become asexual, as soon as a child is born; or the middle-aged male-partner with Asperger’s (ASD) and a good academic career can’t understand why it is wrong to expose his private parts in public areas, if he feels like it.
This will adversely affect the development of the important relationship skills of empathy, trust, and the ability to repair someone’s emotions and share thoughts and responsibilities (Attwood 2004).
We also recognize problems with empathy, limited conflict resolution skills, an inclination to criticize and rarely compliment, and a tendency to show little interest in their friend’s experiences and emotions.
The loved one, who has no insight into the complexity of Asperger’s Syndrome and Hfa, has no chance of realizing that the apparent social skills in romance and relationship forming are not an intuitively naturally behavior for the aspie, but are a learned response from copying and memorizing other people’s behavior.
The person with Asperger’s Syndrome may have developed a superficial expertize in romance and dating from careful observation, and by mimicking actors and using the script from television programmes and films.
Often it is not realised by the AS partner that sexual acts may need to be precipitated by emotional closeness and that a lack of this can result in their partner’s reluctance to make love. From early childhood, people with Asperger’s syndrome are less likely to recognize and understand thoughts, beliefs, desires and intentions of other people in order to make sense of their behaviour.
They are developmentally delayed in Theory of Mind abilities (Baron-Cohen 1995).
If the relationship also contains heartbreaking secrets and deprivation, then it is harder to mention it to anyone else.
The reality of an NT-AS relationship is that there will be many idiosyncrasies.
But some characteristics are said to be typical of every successful relationship: Good and less good moments appear in all relationships. But NT-AS relationships suffer further as a result of neurologically and biologically caused deficits on all the points mentioned above, in addition to other marriage stressors.