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Many I’m not even comfortable sharing in this essay.“Do you taste like chocolate? ”“I’d love to slap dat big juicy booty.”Once a guy was good enough to message me just to tell me that I look like “something you find in the zoo.” Another man, after luring me into a false sense of security by opening with a pleasant enough conversation about one of my favorite TV shows abruptly changed the subject to pose the question: “Do you act black? He replied, “I like black women minus the attitude. A brief sojourn into Tinder world marked the worst of it — someone called me the n-word when I said I didn’t want to meet with him.I automatically deleted the app and haven’t been there since.
But in my first major foray into the world of online dating, what struck me wasn’t so much this idea of not being wanted, but the kind of men who apparently wanted me. But from day one, I got tons of messages, many of them one or two word lines like, “Hey sexy,” and a larger majority of them reading, “Hey chocolate.” These weren’t worth the energy it took to respond. Gradually, I began to notice a theme — the majority of the messages I received, mostly from white men, fetishized my appearance and sexualized me based solely on my race.
There have been so many ridiculous and offensive messages, too many to count or read. In the three years I’ve been on Ok Cupid, I’ve only met up with a handful of people, mostly because it’s been impossible to meet anyone who doesn’t open or end conversations with offensive, racist, sexually aggressive language.
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If you're a black man or woman or Asian man, you're going to have a tougher time getting a date on OKCupid.
I created my first online profile in 2013 on Ok Cupid, a tiny baby step into unfamiliar territory with no real set goal in mind.
All I knew was that as someone painfully shy around men, dating in the real world, in New York City, felt downright impossible.
And today, there’s no twentysomething I know who hasn’t met a bae or a jump off via some app or online service.
So there's no real sense of the taboo when it comes to dating online.
I know that I don’t represent every black girl’s time spent in the online dating world.
I have black girlfriends who’ve had relatively decent, pleasant interactions, which is wonderful. I do still wonder who else out there has put up with this kind of unwanted attention.
Here's the chart of users' preferences from 2009: And here's the chart from 2014: As you can see, the biases stayed pretty consistent between 20. The results here are pretty much the same as data taken from other dating sites.