Like so many of my clients, in my first marriage, I let my marriage and all that happened as a result of it define myself and my self-worth.

feeling guilty dating after divorce-73

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Although believing that you are a failure because your marriage has failed is an almost universal experience, what I want you to know is that this is a flawed belief.

It feeds into a fundamental misperception that we are what happens to us.

But here's the thing: I didn't understand any of this until my ex-husband's actions.

What I had from the failure of my marriage was feedback.

This simple example can be expanded to help you look at painful events as inspiration to make new choices.

It’s been a period of coming to accept she was being abused, of having to fight for child custody, protecting her daughters to break the cycle of violence and feeling guilty about divorce. He’s not gonna get any of that because she doesn’t feel comfortable expressing herself that way. I hear Two Kids And a Fish’s frustration at being the parent that shoulders the burden of her daughter’s emotions.Now, it’s been almost two years since we split up and just when I think everyone’s adjusted, something happens. So I just listen and I talked to her about it the best I could. She said, “No, I know what she’s gonna say, I know what she’s gonna tell me. I know that some women I’ve interviewed have seen their ex become a better parent after divorce, more involved, more engaged with parenting, some of the women say they’ve become a better parent after divorce but I wonder if the fundamental parenting roles you adopt early on set the pattern for parenting after divorce.For example, last night the little one came at me crying and such screams that she hasn’t adjusted, that she feels lonely, that she feels like we’re not a family. They are on a constant loop of blaming their ex, themselves, or both, for the failure of their marriage and the failure of their life and themselves. It requires an almost constant awareness that each day is a new day, that each moment is a new moment.The best lived lives put into action a belief that life is about moving forward, cultivating your best you, and your ideal world around you by living your purpose. We each have the power and the option to make a new start every single moment of every single day.One way to start becoming more aware of this separation is to remember a time when you stubbed your toe. Did it cause you to think that you were a failure because you got hurt?